Life is never enough.....so Im looking for more...

Life.....ah, life........the complicated mistress that she is. How did I get this far? Sometimes I don't know how I function the way I do... Always dreaming, not really fitting into the part that the world seems to want me to fit into. But then again do I have a part or is this actually just my own perception. Sometimes I want so badly to just give up and go back to the proverbial plow and just work the field until I'm old and wrinkly watching the sun rise and sun set until I fade to dust. But you know that's just not my style..... I'm a fighter, always have been. I just don't give up...even when I know I probably should to make the pain a little easier to bare. But none the less I never give up. Tenacious like a pitbull yet I still hang onto my romantic notion that there is good in the world.
What makes us such complex creatures? Everyone we meet, every little situation we ever come across shapes us every day. The music we listen to, the movies we watch, the things we see walking down the street.....all of it creates these traits that sometimes change our whole destiny....or so it seems. The weather effects our moods, they say the tides and the moon and the gravitational pull effects us every day. I mean how is it possible that through astrological signs you can learn something about yourself or others....your birth sign, the meaning of your name, the hour you were born....sometimes those seem to be pretty accurate to who you really are.
Well anyway, I just thought I would get a couple thoughts out....

So lets see, been shooting and editing and watching movies....life is good! Hollywood is amazing! Had a homeless guy tried to spit at me after he yelled a bunch of non intelligent things....I was close to knocking out his last tooth...but I decided he wasn't worth it and kept on my merry way. This was actually Friday the 13th when I was walking down to Hollywood and Highland with Candy....the homeless were extra crazy I swear. We walked past 3 other crazies yelling and having intense conversations with thin air....maybe they do see the dead....hmmm, interesting reaction.
Shot a great spread for 944 Magazine a couple days ago! Great model from Ford and we had fantastic really expensive clothes...so that should come out in March, so Im excited about that! Also might have another two of my black and white nude series coming out in 2 different magazines in March if everything goes as planned....also very exciting! I've decided to go after a lot more print this year! And of course a gallery show downtown LA, very excited about that!
So last night we all went to a cool art reception in China Town at the POV gallery. The show was called Movers and Shakers.... check it out... http://www.povevolving.com/POVgallery_SubSite/current.html It was so fantastic to see so many amazing artists work represented! So exciting! I LOVE art and this was very much my kind of art. Then we went to Dennys and ate way to much crap...hahah....good times! I usually eat really healthy, but from time to time its good to indulge in mindless sinful pleasures....... um.....yeah about the word "sinful" why would it be spelled with one "l"? It just doesn't make sense to me.... shouldn't it be "sin" "full"...sinfull? anyway....

So I have tons of new pictures to post and things to share, but I just have so many things to do and meanwhile I'm trying to juggle sanity and peace of mind.....as well as the ever looming bills.....that's another story all together....but you know...I don't believe in excuses...I chose my path. We all do.....you have choices every day. You choose to go to a job that you hate or stay with the one you love. You chose to be happy or sad or let people control you. Choice is a powerful thing. And the realization that you have this choice can be such an enormous burden sometimes. .......every now and then I think it would be so nice to not be such a thinker. It seems some people just go through life accepting whatever comes their way good or bad and not questioning or trying to change their circumstances.......ah being oblivious would be such a treat......maybe....
......I question everything, I never accept anything as fact that I can't change....I am so aware of choice and despite this fact I still make poor choices so often. I know I chose my moods and my reactions to life...or over reaction as the case often is.....yet I still chose poorly. Those bad tapes run so deep. So strange how events when you are a child stay with you your whole life and twist your mind up so that you can't really seem to think straight. I know these are choices, but that doesn't make them any easier.